Tuesday, October 9, 2007

(8) Holy Batshit Batman: Guangzhou main train station

(*) well, we've reached yet another level of batshit crazy - guano batshit crazy. sitting outside offered a touch of what's to come. this is only the train station specifically. i said goodbye to my lovely guangzhou family. i'm pretty sure the man took 2-3 shots out of a glass of cheap booze 10-15 minutes before i left when i just woke up. the bottle sat atop the fridge. perhaps i found the man's secret to his constant smile. i offered my non chinese thank you to the wife. or at least i think she was the wife.

(*) for the last time i left the room, walked down 2 flights, went through the emergency exit, into the mall's 4th floor elevator. i was caught between the closing elevator doors and laughed. as i turned around to see if floor 1 was pressed, i noticed the guy at the switch frantically pressing "door close". then i looked up and saw 2 guys trying to catch the elevator. the 2 guys won their battle against the man pressing "door close" and gained entrance. even then, the guy kept pressing door close - refusing to be discreet about his ruined plans.

(*) i exited the mall for the last time *tear* and headed back towards the train station. time to cross the 2 4 or 5 lane highways. 1/2 way across, i hear "hello! hello!" my polite travelers' response? "seriously, i'm fucking leaving.... oh hey!" it was the same guy who had hooked me up yesterday with the room. i told him that, in fact, he had helped me get a room yesterday, but i don't think he understand. i didn't feel slighted - i'm white - we all look the same - all with big white googly eyes. i shook his hand and said thanks. if he remembered me, it was a nice gesture. otherwise, he thinks white people are touchy feely.

(*) the guy pressing "door close" is a true american hero - he did what we've all continuously wanted to do. and continued to do so in plain sight of the evil victors.

(*) i noticed floor 2 was pressed. we get there, doors open, and the doors just as quickly close because of our great american hero. this time, he screwed someone INSIDE the elevator. this was the making of a true american legend. he not only tried to keep someone from getting ONTO the elevator, but he kept someone from getting OFF the elevator. i suggest you try to do that next time you are in your downtown elevator headed up to your office. only then will you realize the awesomeness that the chinese man pressing the "door close" button embodied.

(*) china must work on their complete obliviousness to the concept of "queing" because if not, i'm taller and bigger than most, and i will win with consequences placed upon the local asian population.

(*) with backpack on, "hello! hello!" and the man behind the voice whips out the three same fucking 3 star hotel pamphlets every other hustler is trying to get me to rent from. i reply kindly to him, "i'm getting the fuck out of here, but thanks anyway." you'll be happy to know i said "thanks" in chinese. i'm not sure if he could understand the other portion of my spiel.

(*) i sat on my bag for the last time in front of the guangzhou train station & stared at the screen. a small child was so excited to see me, she yelled, tugged her mother's arm, and then pointed at me. i did my last bit of chinese people watching while having the chinese locals point at me.

(*) my cop friend tried to tell me where to go. he was nice enough. i took a picture of him b/c he reminded me of my grandfather.



(*) homeless dude acted like he knew where i was going. tried to get me to follow him. he was of no help. he tried to score money from me. he refused my cigarette offer.

(*) got past security check #1 of "do you have any ticket whatsoever it really doesn't need to be a train ticket". i could have showed him my blockbuster card from downtown chicago, and he would have waved me on. a bit of fighting around families parked directed in and around the busiest ques. <----i don't know what that sentence was supposed to say or convey.

-----> interruption: i did this often during my journal rants. if at some point when i was attempting to reconstruct the day, a brilliant idea popped into my head, it was highlighted by an arrow.

-----> perhaps chinese do not have a concept of "personal space"

(*) then came the baggage "security check" after squeezing and fighting through 1 door. mothers were separated from children. children pushed out of the way by middle aged men - i'm not kidding - all in the name of throwing luggage onto a conveyor belt of the x-ray machine.

------> spitting and hocking ought to be olympic sports
------> so too should be chain smoking

(*) i'm pretty sure the equivalent of "customer service agents" in america are here in guangzhou, but, and this is brilliant - they carry fucking MEGAPHONES. and they talk into them continuously, even if they are communicating to an individual directly next to them. instead of a customer service agent in america calmly asking people to move to one side of a hallway in order to create a more efficient and crowd-control-friendly line, the chinese customer service agents yell this message through a FUCKING MEGAPHONE - with the megaphone no more than 8-16 inches from the individual's face. it. was. awesome. china has some things that are backwards. this megaphone customer service idea, is not.

------> garbage is merely flung at the wall in guangzhou train station, to be later wiped up.
------> sound of spit hitting floor in train station is equivalent to that of rain.

(*) children are left on floors with temper tantrum. that's right - survivial of the fittest - let god sort'm out post trampling death.

(*) i feel sad for the floor sweepers here. they never stand a chance against the mountainous amounts of trash.

------> just b/c 2 asian girls hold hands, does not mean they are lesbians.
------> when people stare at me, they should watch where they are going. otherwise, they're going to keep running into things.


(*) here's a sense of what inside the train station looked like:

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